


Light and Daffodils

by Redsplash1



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst, Childhood Trauma, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, Time Loop, how about our fave emperor instead, im sorry edie i swear you'll get your happy ending in faded sun :(, ya'll heard of byleth in a time loop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-29
Updated: 2019-10-29
Packaged: 2021-01-06 07:50:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21223106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Redsplash1/pseuds/Redsplash1
Summary: Edelgard lost count after a while.





	Light and Daffodils

**Author's Note:**

> Hi have some Edie angst
> 
> also this fic was named after this song  
https://youtu.be/e_bTKNImcGM  
listen to it and die in feels with me cuz the lyrics 100% fit this story

Edelgard lost count after a while.

She wasn’t quite sure who condemned her to this hell, but she long since stopped hating them for it. Perhaps it was a punishment from the goddess. Perhaps it was karma for killing so many.

_ <strike> Or was it suffering from having a chance at life, while her siblings were robbed of such an opportunity? </strike> _

The lectures at Garreg Mach were something that was permanently ingrained into Edelgard’s brain, whether she liked it or not. Having to fight in the same war for years <strike>decades</strike> <strike>centuries</strike> did that to you.

The Officer’s Academy was intended for those green to the battlefield.

Edelgard was not.

* * *

Byleth was an anomaly, to say the least. Sometimes she’d pick the Black Eagles. Most times she didn’t. It was something Edelgard hated at first.  <strike> She learned to appreciate Byleth deviating away from her house when she was cut down by her beloved professor for the fifth time. </strike>

“Lady Edelgard. You seem distracted.” Hubert remarked in his dry tone.

Hubert...

Edelgard could count on him, that much was true. Even so, it was difficult looking at her beloved retainer with a straight face when she can only imagine his bloodied body laying on the streets of Enbarr.

“I’m fine, Hubert.”

<strike> How many times has she repeated that lie? </strike>

* * *

The nightmares were something Edelgard could never get used to, no matter how much time passed.

Each loop would add a new horror along with the experiments that happened underneath the palace. People dying. The Slitherers killing her. Butchering everyone she knew. Aiming her beloved dagger towards her chest as the remains of Gronder Field surrounded her.  <strike> She’s chosen that end far too many times. </strike>

Here she was, tightening her hold on the blankets as memories flashed before her eyes as clear as the sun in the sky.

<strike> Then again, her world got a little darker with every loop </strike>

Edelgard took in shuddering breaths, trying to employ the breathing technique that she had made when she started getting hallucinations from lack of sleep in her fiftieth loop. It didn’t work. Again. Its effectiveness wore away a little more with each loop. Now it just didn’t work at all. Edelgard liked to give it a shot regardless. What else could she do?

<strike> A monster like her didn’t deserve any sort of salvation. </strike>

She still felt it. Heard it. Saw it. The knives slicing through her flesh. The screams of her siblings, seeing Belmung and Rose lose their minds, trying to rip Edelgard and the others apart why were they doing that please stop please please  _ please- _

“Edelgard?”

Her choked breaths went to a halt. Lysithea.

Wasn’t she buried yesterday?

_ Edelgard stood in the back of the building, watching the proceedings go by. The priest giving the mournful sermon, many imperial soldiers in attendance who were touched by Lysithea’s kindness. _

_ It surprised her that the former Golden Deer had joined her when she declared war on the Church of Seiros. Perhaps it was because she had bothered getting to truly know her in this loop. It was nice. Having a  _ _ f<strike>riend</strike> _ _ ally to count on. _

_ It was hard. Watching them take away the body. Seeing the body that had its life taken away. _

_ It was always this way. She lost count of how many times she had to attend her friends’ (She was willing to admit it this time) funerals. _

_ It was her fault. It was always her fault. _

“-Edelgard? Are you okay in there?” Lysithea asked again, the worry growing in her voice.

Oh. That’s right. She wasn’t dead.

Recently, Edelgard had started mixing up what was reality and what was then. It wasn’t a surprise, really. Time no longer was of any relevance to her. Hubert would be pleased with the irony.

“I’m fine.” Edelgard barely managed to respond with a steady voice.

Lysithea seemed to have accepted that answer, her footsteps echoing in the hallway.

…

I’m fine.

Edelgard hated that phrase.

* * *

She thinks she’s spilled enough blood to create many oceans.

Edelgard always feared the sea. But seeing red instead of its usual blue, the horrid stench replacing the scent of salt...

It was hell. Pure hell.

She couldn’t help but wonder if Hell would be better than this. <strike>Maybe it was.</strike>

Well...

Edelgard thinks of the flames surrounding her in Gronder Field. Sinking to her knees on top of the hill as the dead surrounded her, whispered in her ears.

_ Why? Why? Why...? _

_ Whywhywhywhywhywhy _ ** _WHY-_ **

Why did they have to be so  _ loud?  _ She knew she was to blame. She knew she deserved this. They didn’t need to remind her.

And yet.

…

She supposed she was in Hell already.

* * *

Edelgard tried breaking away from the Slitherers.

It never works.

Thales would always be the one to find her. Sometimes, when she really got under his skin, he’d throw her into the dungeons of the palace once more. Edelgard hated those outcomes.

At least she had company when that happened, though. The whispers of her siblings, their dying breaths, their screams...

They gave her comfort, blocking out the skittering of the rats nearby. It was a nice relief compared to everything she's gone through.

Edelgard supposed she must’ve gone truly mad to perceive her siblings’ haunting words in her broken mind as peace.

* * *

Edelgard used to fear the edge of dawn.

Then she realized.

The sun never rose for her to begin with.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry
> 
> also for those who read my other fic Faded Sun, don't worry that'll be updated soon school's just a butt >:(


End file.
